Mr. trump’s party suffered some bad losses tonight, but he is still the president, and he will more than likely be in Washington for the next three years. (Maybe)
So here is a Slate article from earlier this year which will give us an insight on how to deal with the current president.
The Field Negro education series continues.
“It can be tempting to latch onto one of Donald Trump’s less-admirable qualities and assign it almost supernatural explanatory power. The way to understand the chaos he’s unleashed is through his narcissism. His showmanship. His anger. (That last one was mine.) I have come to fear, though, that we’ve been neglecting our president’s stupidity. Americans knew evil was banal, but we never dreamed it could be this dumb.
Any journalistic attempt to convey the parameters of Trump’s dumbness is indistinguishable from insult comedy—one of many reasons, perhaps, that Trump hates newspapers. We have begun to drape him in the language of the very young or the very old: He is a toddler mid-tantrum, an impulsive boy-king, a syphilitic emperor with Swiss cheese for brains. He is anything but an adult human with the discipline to, for instance, read a paragraph of text that does not have his name in it.
Trump is so unfit for office that his underlings must scheme to maintain a modicum of normalcy in the White House. Everyone who interacts with our idiot president is responsible for making sure the American experiment doesn’t turn into an entry in The Darwin Awards
. His aides and friends and diplomatic partners are handmaidens and babysitters and kindergarten teachers and ventriloquists. (Turns out Trump is
the puppet, but the scary kind that might come at you with a cleaver.) The brave men and women of Washington are stuck playing that old-timey game
where you make subtle motions to tilt a wooden board and steer a big silver marble through a labyrinth. In this version of the game, though, the marble is an autocrat with the attention span of an infant, and if you lose then you get fired.
The U.S. government, once a solemn ballet of checks and balances, has become a demeaning spectacle in which lackeys try to coax a bull through the orchestra pit without crushing all the instruments. Until Republican senators decide a concert hall is not an appropriate place to store a bull, we all must do our part. Herein are strategies Trump’s handlers have already used to appease, distract, and cajole their obstreperous charge. And in the interest of saving the world from imminent destruction, we’ve included a few suggestions of our own.
As noted above, members of the National Security Council have, per a Reuters source
, taken to strategically sprinkling the president’s moniker in “as many paragraphs [of their briefs] as we can because he keeps reading if he’s mentioned.” How might this look in practice? A Defense Department factotum could write: “Diplomatic TRUMP and ideological crosscurrents hampered U.S. efforts TRUMP to slow nuclear proliferation TRUMP in North Korea during the first Bush TRUMP administration TRUMP.”
Of course, as The Far Side
reminds us, there’s a still danger that his eyes will flit past all the words but one.
When asked by Tom Friedman how global warming might affect Trump golf courses, the mogul-in-chief promised to “look very carefully” at the issue. From this we can infer that appeals to the president’s assets might lead him to at least consider averting a worldwide catastrophe. I suggest implicating the Trump brand further by encouraging the POTUS to “fire” climate change on live TV.
Methods for sweeping the strings of Trump’s self-interest are as numberless as the stars in the sky. This next one comes courtesy of a Politico story, which reveals that “White House aides have figured out it’s best not to present Trump with too many competing options when it comes to matters of policy of strategy. Instead … present him with a single preferred course of action and then walk him through what the outcome could be—especially how it will play in the press.” It’s all about the ratings……
White House and former campaign aides have tried to make sure Trump’s media diet includes regular doses of praise and positive stories to keep his mood up—a tactic honed by staff during the campaign to keep him from tweeting angrily
,” reports the Post.
Why not apply this technique more broadly? Make sure complicated documents such as trade agreements are salted with notes like “Go Trump!” and “You’re doing great!”
Also, if the president goes a week without “tweeting angrily,” he should be allowed to order a drone strike on a patch of uninhabited Arizona desert.
Don’t leave him alone with world leaders—or anyone, really.
Senior administration officials told the New York Times
they are afraid to let Trump speak to foreign heads of state unchaperoned
. No wonder, given that the president is entirely ignorant of the issues he would presumably be discussing with his important guests. Also, what if he puts a whole box of those presidential M&M’s
in his mouth at once? Embarrassing, and a possible choking hazard.
If he starts babbling sensitive intelligence at the Russian ambassador, intervene.
Ask him where he got his tie. If that doesn’t work, tackle him. If he persists, press the button that controls his shock collar. If that also fails, commence impeachment proceedings.”[Source]
*Pic from the root.com
"How to manage our idiot president." .