Sometimes it's best to just let it go
Hope is responsible for a lot of changes that occur in our lives and those of others. It’s the reason why many are inspired to live another day, and for that it is simply wonderful.
Unfortunately, hope is also the reason for a lot of relationships not ending as quickly as they should have. We actually know when a relationship is over. We know when it “just isn’t like it used to be.” Yet, we stick around because we ignore what our gut has been telling us in hopes that it’s wrong. But intuition never lies.
There are a few tell-tale signs that a relationship should end. It’s best to take heed to them, as you’ll save yourself a lot of heartbreak, anguish, bitterness, and most importantly, time.
You Stop Spending Time Together
When you initially start dating someone, you’re inseparable. While it’s natural for the “honeymoon” phase to pass, time spent should not be taken for granted. Work schedules, commitments and other obligations aside, you make time for your significant other. If you find yourself showing up to friend/family outings solo more often than not, then chances are there’s been a dip in your mate’s level of investment. Someone who is really committed to you is interested in socializing with those who you value, and unless there’s been an argument of some sort between your boo and your crew, that does not change over time.
They Don’t Support Your Endeavors
There’s nothing worse than having a mate who does not support your professional and personal endeavors. Your significant other should be your number one cheerleader, regardless of how interested they are in what you’re doing. Emotional support is necessary for fostering closeness and security in the relationship. If you feel like you are in a tug-o-war to get him/her to support your career moves and/or attend your extra curricular activities, then it’s probably time to find someone who is more aligned with your needs. It isn’t their job to understand anyway. Their role is to support you in your goals simply because they matter to you.
The Intimacy Is Nonexistent
As tragic as it is, some couples just do not have sex anymore. Health issues, sexual dysfunctions and a lack of communication can destroy a relationship’s physical closeness if you allow it to. But intimacy goes beyond sex. Through shared connections such as cuddling while watching a movie, preparing a meal together, talking and listening to one another, a level of closeness that keeps relationships solid and strong is maintained. Once that stops being a priority, you will soon look at each other as nothing more than roommates, or worse.
You Start Looking To Others For Comfort
When your mate is no longer the person you go to for comfort and affection there’s trouble. In fact, you’re so far beyond the danger zone that you’ve invited opportunity for others to fill the needs that your mate is supposed to fill. This is one of the main reasons why people stay in situations longer than they need to. By receiving temporary comfort from an outside source, you are not allowing yourself to feel an actual void that is present in your current relationship. In turn, your partner is left out of the dark and in the cold, possibly not even knowing that an issue is present. Unless you talk to your mate about what’s going on, the relationship will either end or someone will check out.
Your Union Is One of Convenience, Not Passion
You’re together simply because you do not want to start over. Your level of comfort and familiarity keeps you stuck in a relationship where you’re just not satisfied. You believe that someone better suited for you is out there; hell you’ve probably dated them. But you just weren’t ready to let go. As “comfortable” as your current situation may be, ask yourself whether or not it is worth your happiness; because that’s exactly what you’re paying for it.
You No Longer Respect Each Other
Every relationship will have its trials, but some things just cannot be conquered. If you look in your mate’s direction and can no longer value them, then it’s time to pack up the bags and bounce ASAP. If nothing about their abilities, qualities or achievements makes you look at them admirably and if everything they do is just wrong, be bold enough to break up with them. There are few things worse than being disrespected, especially by your significant other.
It’s important to recognize the difference between an obstacle and a dead end. Relationships are about commitment, so be prepared to endure a lot of seemingly insurmountable situations. But if the aches and pains outweigh the smiles then you might want to reconsider. After all, love is, and always will be, an action verb.
When should you end a relationship? Email us at email@example.com or simply comment in the section below!
Shantell E. Jamison is a Chicago-based writer, radio personality, and cultural critic. She’s also JET Magazine’s Digital Content Editor. She’s been featured on WBEZ 91.5FM, “The Monique Caradine Show,” Vocalo 91.1FM, KDKA Newsradio 1020AM, WBGX 1570AM, WYCA 102.3FM, Chicago Now, The Grio, The Black Youth Project, The Gate Newspaper and “Launching Chicago with Lenny McAllister.” Her debut book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction: Simple Quotes on How to Achieve Your Best Self” is available now at Amazon.com.
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